Merlin's Harry Potter Experience
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: sequel to Merlin's Crush. Merlin and the three idiots are sent forwards in time and land in Hogwarts. the three idiots argue while using Merlin swears. Merlin is not impressed


This was the three idiots fault.

Lately it always is. One of them will get into trouble and the other two would attempt to save the first one and then Merlin has to clean up their messes. Or the three of them start a fight over Merlin and end up causing part of Camelot to blow up.

This time it had been the latter one. Merlin had the day off and was attempting to create his own spell when Lancelot, Gwaine, and his annoying Royal Prat-ness, all burst into his bedroom causing him to jump, put the wrong thing in the wrong place and suddenly they were all pulled into some giant hole.

And landed in a richly decorated room that looked more royal than Arthur's and Uther's chambers put together. The many paintings on the wall were moving and screaming at them and an elderly man that looked a little bit like Merlin did when he cast that aging spell sat at the desk staring at them with bewilderment.

"You!" Arthur shouted dramatically pulling out his sword. "You tried to kill Gwen with your love spell plot!"

"I beg your pardon my dear boy but have we met before?" the elderly man asked. "I do not recall ever teaching you."

"Do not pretend that you do not know me. I am Prince Arthur of Camelot and these are my knights Sir Lancelot and Gwaine," Arthur said in his most pompous voice. "And my man-servant Merlin."

"Great another nutter," one of the portraits muttered.

"I am Professor Dumbledore Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry," Professor Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling madly. "May I say it is an honour to meet you Merlin, the greatest wizard in all of history."

Merlin really wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"What?" Gwaine and Arthur shouted.

"I told you I knew his darkest secret," Lancelot said smugly.

"Merlin how could you tell Lancelot but not me!" Arthur whined forgetting that he was supposed to be anti-magic in support of his father. "I'm your best friend! I'm your prince! I pay you to do my laundry! Just because you told Lancelot first I will now have Father behead you."

"Merlin can you change water into wine?" Gwaine asked excitedly. "We can get drunk for free now! And why on earth didn't you tell me before Lancelot? Aren't I you're best friend?"

"Erm, hello? I'm his best friend."

"Hell no! I'm h-"

"I know his secret therefore I must be his b-"

Merlin glared at Dumbledore. "Look at what you've started! I've now got to put up with these three idiots bickering for the rest of the day! It's my day off as well!"

"Merlin's beard!" Dumbledore swore quietly. "I never knew how childish the greatest figures in magical history could be."

"I could have told you that," the Sorting Hat drawled, "after all I once lived on Gryffindor's head and he was the most childish man I'd ever met and I sorted Sirius Black!"

The bickering stopped.

"A talking hat!" Gwaine exclaimed. "Either this is magic or I've been drinking too much again!"

"Merlin's beard?" Arthur and Lancelot repeated.

The three of them looked at Merlin and then burst out into hysterical laughter.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Dumbledore suggested that they should stay at the school before whatever happened is fixed and they could go back. He also reassured Merlin that everyone's memory would be erased and therefore Merlin wouldn't have to suffer all the teasing and accusations from his so called friends. They were sorted by the strange talking hat that sung them a very bad song ("you try to do one on the spot. My masterpiece is for next September not you four idiots") who told them that they were suited to both the brave house and the loyalty house. Gwaine had pouted and said what about the smart house and the ambitious house ("Gwaine for the last time, shagging everyone in the world is not an ambition!" Lancelot snapped. "Nor is it a very smart thing to do."). Eventually the hat decided on the brave on and they were sent to a very red decorated tower.

"It's like being back in Camelot," Gwaine grumbled, "everything red and no other colour allowed."

"There's nothing wrong with red!" Arthur protested.

"Merlin's beard! There's everything wrong with red," Gwaine argued.

"Merlin's baggy y-pants! There is nothing wrong with red," Arthur retorted back.

"Merlin's pink thong! Will the pair of you shut up?"

"Merlin's cat! And you said I had problems, Lancelot," Gwaine smirked.

"Cat? Merlin's saggy left bum cheek! Merlin is allergic to cats, any best friend of Merlin would know that," Arthur said.

"And you think I have problems? Merlin's robes! Arthur just admitted he'd been checking Merlin's backside out," Lancelot said coolly.

"Merlin's balls! You have problems, Arthur has problems, Merlin is not allergic to cats, I've seen him pet some in the streets, now I am going to find the nearest tavern and flirt with some beautiful young lady. Perhaps that blonde beauty in Ravenclaw who said Merlin looked just like Merlin."

"Yes, Gwaine, you're problem free that's why you're trying to hit on young impressionable not quite right in the head girls," Arthur said sarcastically. "Merlin's hairy chest! Why on earth did you bring up Merlin's balls for? And do not ask me how I know about his chest."

"Merlin's-"

"Ok that's it!" Merlin shouted. "Merlin is very tired and sick of the three of you using his name like. Merlin does not have baggy y-pants, or pink thongs, or saggy left bum cheek, therefore stop saying such things! Merlin is now going to take a very long walk to prevent killing you, right now Merlin is considering drowning you in that lake out there. Now when Merlin calms down and is back to being normal the three of you have better learnt to shut the hell up!"

As Merlin stormed off there was one thought on the three idiots mind...when the hell did Merlin start referring himself in a third person?

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Merlin was muttering furiously. Not only had he lost his temper completely but now he was completely lost.

"Merlin balls! I'll Merlin balls them! I'll make them regret ever interfering with my day off! I'll never do their laundry again! I'll make Arthur wash his own socks! And Gwaine will have to sober himself up, and Lancelot will no longer have deep intimate chats about life!"

"Merlin? Is that you?"

"Gwen?"

"Merlin's beard! It's really you!" Merlin grimaced at the swear and Gwen smiled sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I've been living in Hogwarts for the past thousand years and I picked up the language."

Merlin took a closer look at Gwen. She was obviously a portrait and not the real Gwen but she still sounded like Gwen and looked a lot like the real Gwen. Her hair, however, looked smooth and silky and was tied up in a bun. She wore a dazzling rich silk gown similar to things Morgana wore only in brighter colours, with matching jewels and a crown placed on top of her head. She looked like a queen.

"You married Arthur!" he cried out gleefully.

"Yes I did," Gwen smiled, "you performed the ceremony for us."

Remembering how famous he and the other three were, Merlin could not help but question Gwen, "Why are you in this dark isolated corridor? If you're Arthur's Queen then surely you would be placed in the Great Hall or something?"

"Ah...well...you see...I couldn't help myself! I mean it was Lancelot! And he was always romantic and gorgeous and just, well you know, charming. I didn't know Mordred was manipulating Arthur! I didn't know you were missing! All I know is Arthur caught me in bed with Lancelot, went on a war rampage and was killed by Mordred! Then I escaped to a nunnery and lived the rest of my life there in shame. I really did repent Merlin!"

Merlin wasn't really that surprised. He knew Gwen always fancied Lancelot and he knew that there was a bit of a love triangle going on right now, but he always thought Gwen had some restraint while Arthur was the impulsive one. But then again Gwen has kissed almost all four of them in the inner circle Arthur created.

"Gwen you little slut!" Merlin cried out. "You're lucky that you're just a portrait and I can't scratch your eyes out. Hell you're lucky that I won't be able to remember this and scratch the real you eyes out."

Gwen's hopeful expression died and she looked at him with a heated anger.

"You see Merlin. This is the reason why everyone thinks you're gay."


End file.
